Posts tagged career

The magic of ?

March 18, 2010 · Filed under MikMusings · Tagged , , , , , ,

“Leap and the net will appear,” said some Zen guy a long time ago.

Let’s just say this is not the attitude I’ve had for the better part of my life.  Generally a cautious person, and perhaps a little too self-reliant, I’d probably want to make the net and tie it up myself before triple checking the ladder from which I’d leap, holding my nose and saying prayers.

And then a magical year happened.  I’ve talked about this before, all the giant life changes that silly-walked their way through my existence.   When the usual habits, routines, and social structures you’re used to fall away, what’s left can take the form of a big, honking question mark.

Do you like question marks?

I didn’t.  I fought against them, sometimes pouting, sometimes railing, though somehow always knowing in the back of my mind that if I just sat still for a little while and let the process happen I’d be fine.  But that took faith I didn’t think I had.  Better to be industrious and think everything through.  Powerpoint, anyone?

When I started to study shamanism in the fall, something said to me, “Leap and the net will appear.”  No, no.  I can’t afford it, it’s not practical, who does that?  But the voice got louder, and that same day, I came across a magnet that said (guess what?) “Leap and the net will appear.”  Which I promptly bought, right after signing up for eight more months of classes.  I can take a hint.

Suffice it to say, it’s been a fantastic and life-changing experience, and not just because I have a new career (details forthcoming).  Everything that I’m doing for others I’ve also done myself, resolving and healing some very old wounds.  I’m learning what magic happens when I’m truly present for clients – for them, and for me.  I’ve learned to ask for help when I need it, and to my amazement, have gotten it every time!

Recently, I was gifted with the long-term loan of a new massage table for my practice, a logo design, admission to a networking event, and an affordable office-share arrangement.  The office situation appeared literally overnight.  Without the effortful, fearful trying that always felt like carrying a load of bricks up a hill, I’ve somehow managed to be in business for myself.  It’s been easy and joyful.

To my astonishment, the net has appeared.

And it makes me want to keep leaping.

Leave a comment »

The Big and Shiny

December 15, 2009 · Filed under Inspiration Elsewhere, MikMusings · Tagged , , , , ,

Parabola magazine sends out an email calendar every week that notes holidays, historical events, and the birthdays of spiritual figures.   This week in 1294, Saint Celestine V abdicated the papacy.

Wha?

Yeah, I did a double take.  Why would someone abdicate the papacy?  Turns out, Cely was a recluse, a monk who really just wanted to go into a rather severe retreat.  The hermit lifestyle didn’t jive with being the most powerful religious figure in the world.  I read up a little bit on him and it seems to me that he was pretty kooky – you can research the facts yourself, if you like.   Ultimately, he really wasn’t any good at being El Papa and he knew it.  After he abdicated, he was imprisoned by the next pope for the remainder of his life.  But I’m less interested in the facts than the implications.  It took cajones for Celestine to become pope, and even bigger ones to give it up.

What struck me about this story was the notion that he knew being pontiff wasn’t for him.  He did it because it was expected of him, but he really wanted other things.  I had taken for granted that thirteenth century clergy were all somehow like us, Americans who, by and large, want the big, shiny objects.  We’re taught to want celebrity, notoriety, initials after our names, cars, houses, trophies.  We’re taught to be ambitious, make our parents proud and endow our alma maters.  Most of us buy into that in some way, and it’s not all bad.

I’d love proud parents and disposable income, of course.  And I used to want an Oscar (or Tony or Emmy – I’m not picky).  I had fabulous dreams of a life in movies, not so famous as to be hounded by paparazzi, but famous enough to always have work.  I desperately wanted the big and shiny.  Lately, as I’ve immersed myself in what it really means to be a working actor, I’ve downgraded a bit.  Maybe it doesn’t have to be an Oscar.  Independent Spirit award, maybe?  Or, um, a mention at Tribeca?  Or, hell, I’ll take anything at this point.  Sign me up for a McDonald’s ad –even though I loathe McDonald’s.

That doesn’t feel good.  I’ve realized that sending postcards to casting directors to remind that that I exist really doesn’t make me happy.  I constantly feel insecure that I’m not doing enough to chase down work.  Reading Coffeemate copy in an audition room is not inspiring, and sucking at reading Coffeemate copy is even worse.  I love acting, yes, and commercials aside, I’m pretty good at it.  But I don’t love the business at all.  Not even a little bit.

As my life has changed these past two years, my dreams have shifted, too, and it’s not all sour grapes.  I’m focusing now on using my non-profit management experience to consult with healers- yoga teachers,  massage therapists, and the like.  Eventually, I’d love to have my own healing arts practice (I’m studying different kinds of energy work now).  It’s not the big and shiny I wanted a few years ago, but it feels right – real and strong-  in a way that shiny never did.

I’m not exactly abdicating an acting career because there wasn’t much to leave.  But I am acknowledging and celebrating the lifestyle and work that suit me.  What a lovely journey it is to find beauty in places I didn’t expect, to see beyond the big and shiny to something that feels like home.

Leave a comment »